I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the greatest kitchen joke of all time.
All credit due to Michael “Uptown Funk” Fields for sharing with me.
So I’m trying something new here: actually posting a recipe of something I’ve created. My disclaimer is as follows:
Ingredients
For the latkes:
Garnish:
Wash your damn hands then combine all of the latke ingredients in a bowl and squash (squish?) them all together. Don’t worry about touching the raw egg, it’s the shell that carries most food borne illness. Now wash your hands again.
The mixture should be firm enough to roll into a loose, sticky ball. If it’s too loose, add some more breadcrumbs and/or flour until the consistency is akin to cold oatmeal. Now form ’em into cakes. 4 cakes to be exact. Thickness is up to you, as is shape. I leave the aesthetic directions in your capable hands. Besides, this is America; don’t let nobody tell you how to shape your cakes. I shaped mine using a ring form because I’m pretentious and wish I cooked in the mid-90’s.
Heat some clarified butter (I used Plugra because I wasn’t paying) or peanut oil in a cast iron skillet. (If you don’t have a cast iron skillet, put down your phone, get in your car, go to a garage sale, antique mart, or thrift store and get one. The older the better. I’ll remind you again, this is America; you should own a cast iron skillet.) Place your cakes in the skillet and cook on each side until slightly charred. Before removing from the pan, slosh some butter on top of those dudes to make ’em shine. Place finished cakes in a 325 degree oven for 5 minutes to firm while you assemble the salad.
Combine arugula, shallots, capers and roasted red peppers in a bowl. Toss with dressing and pinch of sea salt. Plate the salad with your hands and lean in close while you do it; you’re a chef damn-it, and that’s how we do it!
Remove the cakes from the oven and cool for a minute or two. Spread equal amounts of cream cheese on top of two of the cakes and place each of the remaining cakes on top. You should now have what appears to be a very savory ice cream sandwich. Place a sandwich on-top of the salad on each plate and top with the chives and a pinch of smoked Maladon sea salt. Place your salmon rose alongside and take a well-lit photograph of your breakfast enjoy!
How to roll Salmon Roses hosted by the awesome Cooking with Nancy: